Good Sub Needed… Or at least one that can take a fist!

To say that I am craving anal play would be an understatement. I am longing for it and to extremes. It is such a challenge to not just scoop up any willing sub and turn him into my little hand puppet but then reality sets in and I feel crappy after the fact because it was all meaningless. It is such a hard balance to strike between having something worth while and fulfilling my primal urges to Dominate. Some days I feel it would be best to just keep a stable and other days I think that would be terrible. Hmm… it isn’t that I am lacking in interesting subs, it is just that I am so picky to have one be a regular fixture in my life. But maybe a few subs for play is what I need right now. All I know is my fist is aching for an ass.

One space or two?

Let me punctuate your paragraphs …

Try to accept my commas as a means to take a breath,

as time for you to take me in and to prepare for what’s to come.

I will try not to use periods as they do not express the vigor between us.

Please accept my exclamation points, to titillate your fantasies

to tease your fascinations, to proclaim the ecstasy between us.

Take note of how my finger raps on the keys,

strokes the pad, and punches the buttons that push you over the edge.

Curling digits around wrists I’ll edit you how I see fit, that which pleases me.

(c)2011

Chickens and Checkers

I really don’t have the patience to deal with drama or games. You know those people who one minute they run HOT for you and then the next they are ice COLD … it just doesn’t make sense… And I have no patience to deal with it. Either you are into me or not… circumstance and life don’t dictate showing that at the very least. I understand that responsibilities like family, children, work and even friends do pop up but even with all those things it isn’t that hard to show you are into someone. A simple note or email, a text hello at a random time, small gifts, or even just a quick phone call are all ways to demonstrate to a Domme that you are into what she is and what she is putting out. I’m exhausted of people putting in like 1% of themselves into this lifestyle BUT saying they are a person looking for a female led relationship or something more committed than just play sessions.

I’m looking forward to this weekend. Hopefully it will be a dawn of fewer games and more honesty but who knows… it seems that most men are completely incapable of honesty all together… I’m really hoping for a good dose of ass play however I’m not going to count my chickens before they’ve hatched!

The D word

Disappointment… It’s something a Domme should never have to feel but all too often I have felt it. Too many submissives in my life have made me feel this over the years. This feeling of the utter failure of them to fulfill my wishes and expectations is something that makes me question my involvement in the lifestyle at times. I weigh the benefits and the draw backs and I feel bipolar about the entire thing. There are so many things I love about D/s relationships but this one feeling of disappointment sits on my shoulders so heavily. The sting seems even worse in a D/s situation than in vanilla because a Dom/me really expects they needs to be met, this is what a sub is there for.

Quite obviously last night didn’t happen. The built up anticipation and the excitement all came to a bust because vanilla life wouldn’t allow it. I’d never fault a sub for their child or work getting in the way of time spent with me. I understand vanilla life taking president over D/s because it is where we must all live. It is the white space that we must float through until moments where we can express our truest selves. I do however have a hard time accepting when subs, past and present, cannot take the steps they need to prove their devotion (the other D word). Compromises, going out of ones way, selflessness has just been severely lacking.

The only redemption to this is that I am a Domme and I can keep a harem of subs to fulfill my needs, until I find the right one who can please me on a more long-term level. That being said, I have tonight to look forward to. I will be meeting a new sub and hopefully we will click enough for playing.

The Rising

Tomorrow night I am going to get to play with my sissy cuck again. I am so very excited. I have plans for multiple men to come and use her … making her an even bigger slut than the last time. I have been day dreaming for days about her being covered in a cum and piss. I just really hope that the men I have been so diligently working on lining up will show.

To prepare for the evening we will go out a find her a new outfit to wear and I will dress her up like my slutty little doll. Then I will do her make up and help her with her hair. Once she is all ready I will invite the men in and she will be used like the whore she is, it will be so completely pleasing to me to get to see her like this. While she is getting used I plan on taking lots of video and photos over it all. Last time I got caught up in all the newness and took only a few photos.

I have a sneaking suspicion that tomorrow is going to be the LONGEST day ever because I am so looking forward to the evening!!

Not a Bunny but a Bull

I thought it would be nice if I had a Bull instead of a bunny pay me a visit for Easter. It is wonderful to take a side step for a few hours and be with a non-submissive man. It is purely carnal in its expression but I love knowing that it is my right to have it, as a dominant woman. Although it would have been even better had my gurl been there to fluffy him first and clean up after. He was young and quite large, about 10 inches and very thick, so it would have been so hot to see her gag it all down, make-up running down her face. A guy of that size would have really made my gurl gape… and everyone knows how much I love that!  Hmm… I have hopes for that next weekend!

Waitress I’ll have another…

My doorbell rang and it was my sub. We had been talking about this evening for the past week. I got in his SUV and we chatted about where to go for dinner and settled on sushi (he wasn’t in the mood for it but I over ruled.) When we got there I ordered a water and we picked out our rolls, sushi, and dumplings to share. I quickly drank down the glass of water and by the time my salad had arrived I was already half way through glass number two. I drank glass after glass in an effort to ensure my bladder was full to epic proportions. Every time I asked the waitress for another I shot a devilish glance at him and he knew where all this liquid would be before the night was over. After eating we chatted for a bit and I reminded him how full my badder was and he quickly responded by saying that we should leave.

Once back at my place clothes flew off, towels were sprawled out and I splayed myself on the bed for him to service me orally. As soon as I felt his tongue against me it was like popping the cork on champagne. I shot forth a golden stream on his face and down his chest, then another but this time he caught it in his mouth. He drank me in and I could feel my pleasure rising. As I pissed jets of nectar onto him he positioned himself so I would drench his cock. With each splash of urine my ecstasy rose higher and higher. Finally he slid his cock in and I sent a shower onto him as he pumped in and out of me and I emptied cum and pee all over his cock and balls. I came about three times before we stopped.

Then I had him bend over and I started to work my fingers in and out of his ass… two… three… four… and then finally my fist. Before tonight we had managed up to the knuckle but never the entire hand. So, feeling him push and ride my fist to the point that he was very nearly to my wrist was such an amazing turn on. I worked it all the way in and all the way out, gaping his ass to new proportions.

When he couldn’t take any more we fell into a heap of arms, legs, and cuddles… You could say I am feeling like a happy Domme.

Bitter Sweet

Some days it’s so hard to exist in the vanilla word. Days when I feel like people are disrespectful towards me or they act like unintelligent morons, it’s just so hard not to berate them into humiliation. My dominant mind and personality has, for the most part, been taught over the years to curb itself in situations that aren’t BDSM in nature. Just some days though … I catch it creeping out, I slip and treat someone as if they were a submissive. Being in a position of leadership and supervision at work does not aid in the situation either.

When I come home from days like this I feel more dominant than ever, it’s like a switch has been flicked. I sit back and wonder what life would be like if I could actually live day-to-day in this state; never having to come down and act vanilla, never having to put my Goddess complex on the back burner for everyday responsibilities and others feelings. I imagine that it would be wonderful but it would probably get old… maybe the juxtaposition is what makes life more interesting– the bitter does makes the sweet.

Shame on Me!

For a really long time I was completely against cross dressing and it’s use as a tool of domination. I’ve always been a firm believer in female supremacy, even before I knew that I was a Domme or anything about BDSM. Because of this deep rooted inclination towards thoughts of female superiority I found it highly disrespectful for a man to dress as a woman; I must interject that I’ve always been fine with those who legitimately feel as though they are transgendered. My particular discomfort has been in men that enjoyed dressing like women for arousal and humiliation. The issue being that in the end it was an objectification of the feminine. Over the past few months I have relaxed my point of view and it has opened a whole new world of kink that I never imagined to be so enjoyable.

Some months ago, I want to say at least six or eight I received the first email from him… I read the person’s profile and saw the photo and immediately passed judgment, “he’s a cross dresser, I have no interest…” and I sent a reply stating such. Politely he responded that he was not only interested in that but also had many corresponding interests as me. I ignorantly poo pooed the email and went about my life. Then approximately two months ago the same individual emailed me again and expressed interest, this time asking me to please give him a chance, that he thought we would click well and our interests lined up on many points. I reluctantly said that I would give him a chance. We spoke on the phone and then very quickly decided to meet in person for dinner. He was right, we did have a lot in common and I felt like a complete ass! Think of all the people I had turned down over the years because of this, think of all the missed opportunities…

So, over the past two months now we have continued to see one another and to have play sessions. The more I grew to know him the more curious I became about the use of cross dressing. He and I talked about it at length and the more we talked the more aroused I became at the possibilities of turning him into “my gurl” … “my slutty gurl.” The ideas of playing dress up with her, reversing roles and fucking her like a slutty gurl, and even having men come and fuck her completely gave me an entire new sense of domination and control. Then he showed me photos of him as a her and it sealed the deal, she was passable, she looked like a woman and I loved it!

This past weekend was our first endeavor into this sort of play. The first step for me was to find men, men that wanted to have sex with a t-girl or cross dresser. I searched high and low and found lots of guys willing to come over and play with us. She and I went out and found her sexy things to wear, then got her all dressed as a woman and I even did her make-up. A few minutes before 11pm the first man arrived and three more trickled in shortly after…it was on! I instructed her to  suck cocks and be fucked and have her face doused in cum… I even got fucked during all the action too, which was amazing!! The entire experience was such a turn on, I never would have imagined it would have been so great. But it wasn’t over, when all the men were gone and it was him and I again we enjoyed each other’s company, came down from the whole experience, and had great sex. I felt almost like he had something to prove, I felt as it he was showing me “you see I am a man too”, and that was extraordinarily hot. I kept saying to him things like, “Are you trying to fuck me better than that other guy tonight” and “You like showing me you can be a real man,” which drove him to perform better and strive to please me more. Finally after I came I allowed him to cum from me jerking him off, because he had been such a good boy… or should I say gurl all night!

I’m so excited about the wonderful new kink I’ve found and the sub I have to share it with. I have no clue where things are headed with him/her, all I know is I’m enjoying it and I can’t wait to experience more. I have no clue how all of this fits into my thoughts about female supremacy but I think it’s time I just do what feels right, what makes me happy. I’m a bit sad that it took me so long to open my eyes to the possibilities of this kink, I guess I will just have to try extra hard to make up for lost time!